I heard today that California and 14 or 15 other scientific, progressive states will be prohibiting exhalation after 1 January 2026. That’s correct; people in those states will be barred from exhaling, because that effluent breath is mostly carbon dioxide, which is melting glaciers, Greenland, and I don’t know what all, as well as raising the global, average temperature by one degree per week, according to ace researchers in the Environmental Protection Agency.
Inhaling will be permitted, note, but dogs and cats, which, nowadays must accompany their owners everywhere possible, are also subject to the law. Any individual found exhaling after the deadline date will be exterminated.
President Biden, who has not breathed for several months, plans to sign an Executive Order – what else? – making the California regulation a national law. He is sympathetic, however, and has introduced into the House the Glacier Rescue Bill. At a cost of 7 quintillion dollars – another powerful inflation neutralizer - the federal government will construct exhalation stations every ten feet across Continental U.S., Alaska, and Hawaii. Creatures unable to curb exhaling may stop at any station anytime he, she, or it needs to exhale.
The stations will collect the gases, separate the carbon, and compress it into coal, which will be given to China as part of the Biden Family International Trade Agreement. EPA scientists assure us that China’s burning coal like crazy will not injure the delicate atmosphere we go to such lengths to preserve.
Larry Stanfel
Roundup
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